The Test of Courage
by KarkieLovesDave
Summary: Nepeta Leijon is struggling to come out to her friends and family. Will she finally do it? Or will her flushed feelings go unnoticed?


I sit on the rough carpet floor, wrapped in a _Winnie the Pooh_ blanket, the phone shaking in my cold hands. Slowly I type,

AC: :33 I'm flushed for you.

I sit in anticipation and begin to fill with anxiety as the messenger shows her typing. The phone vibrates angrily in my hands as multiple messages fly onto the dim screen.

CC: You know t)(at I love you and stuff rig)(t?

CC: Seriously, Nepeta. But Idk if I feel that way for you…

CC: I see you as a moirail, not a matesprit…

CC: I'm sorry.

My cheeks grow olive green with embarrassment and discontent. I exit out of the chat and turn off the phone. I prop my head against the purple wall of my cousin's horridly messy room.

"Gamzee? Can I tell you something?"

"SuRe NePeTa. MoThErFuCkInG aNyThInG."

"Um… Well, I've been thinking about this a lot for the last couple years. And I've b33n questioning my sexuality… Um… I'm bi." I whisper, my voice shaking with fear of rejection.

"NePeTa. I lOvE yOu. No MaTtEr ThE fUcK WhAt MaN. fUcKiNg, ShIt I dOn'T cArE iF yOu LiKe GiRlS oR iF yOu LiKe GuYs. YoU'rE sTiLl mY fUcKiNg cOuSiN, aNd I'lL aLwAyS cArE aBoUt YoU."

"Thanks Gamz33. I love you too. Will you please not tell my parents? That'd be purrfect."

"No MoThErFuCkInG pRoBlEm! HoNk"

Just then, the phone explodes with texts from Feferi. I quickly snatch up the phone as Gamz33 continues gaming with his friends, screaming at the computer screen.

CC: Nepeta.

CC: Nepeta!

CC: Nepeta? Are you okay?

CC: I'm sorry! I'll fix it! I didn't mean to break you.

I smile sadly and type, weighing my words heavily.

AC: :33 Fef. I'm purrfectly fine. I just… I want a matesprit that's all…

CC: O)( okay…

I exit out of my chat with Feferi and open one with Dave.

AC: :33 Strider. I'm bi. Please don't freak out.

TG: No way what I didn't know why didn't you tell me man

TG: I'm gonna have to bust some hella good ass rhyme about this

TG: I'm expressing this in a sick ass rap

TG: Cause this is a universal slam poetry contest

TG: Now you're like Karkat, John and Eridan

TG: I guess you like girls and some shit

TG: If they hate on my moirail people are gonna get hit

TG: Mess with you and I'll send Karkat so they'll get bit

TG: And I can't think of anything else that rhymes with bit

TG: But it's funny in an ironic way

TG: So anyway what's up with you liking girls all of a sudden

TG: It's hella ironic

AC: :33 Oh my gOG STRIDER SHUT THE HELL UP

I type quickly so Dave doesn't start his awful rapping again.

AC: :33 I've liked girls for a while, I just didn't tell anyone.

TG: But you never told me Nep. What gives? You think I was gonna shut you out or something? That's hella uncool.

AC: :33 Dave, I don't care what anyone else thinks. I'm going to purrservere!

TG: That's a dope ass thing Nep. Stay cool.

TG: Okay, well I'm gonna go lay down some sick ass beats

AC: :33 Bye Dave

I sigh softly and rub my temples as I try to shake off Dave's annoying rap.

"Ugh, Gamzee. What the hell am I supposed to tell my parents? How the fuck am I supposed to do this?"

"I'm ReAlLy NoT mOtHeRfUcKiNg sUrE NeP. i WoUlD tAlK tO jOhN oR KaRkAt Or SoMe ShIt. ThEy HaD tO dO tHiS sHiT tOo. HoNk."

"Purrobably a good idea… Karkitty is better at this stuff… But John is more chill. Eridan is easier to talk to without him blowing up in my face. Maybe-"

I squeal as my dad and uncle walk into Gamzee's room, and I curl into my blanket cocoon, hiding my face. The soft blanket rubs against my horns and I purr loudly and I softly curse under my breath. _Damn these horns. Ugh... They're almost as bad as Equius' skills with the bow._

"Milkshakes anyone?"

Gamzee honks loudly and I purr yes as they leave. I start playing with my hands and the edge of my blanket idly. I lay on my side, and stare at my black gloves that are barely visible under my big green army jacket and whimper quietly.

 _All I wanted was a matesprit. I just want someone to care about me. I just want someone to gently stroke my hair and to give me hugs. I want to give my matesprit kisses all over her face and I want to tell her that she's beautiful. I want her to tease me and role play and to touch my horns and to love me. All I want is to have red feelings for a troll or human and to have them returned. Is it too much to ask? I'm not good enough for Karkitty as hard as I've tried... How am I going to tell him? Maybe I'll f33d Karkles some strawberries before I tell him... Oh no, what am I going to tell my parents?_ _ **HOW**_ _am I going to tell my parents? Oh god… This is purrfect._

The warmth of the blanket counteracts the ramblings of my stressed brain and I lightly drift asleep. I dream about Karkat and Eridan telling me that it's going to be okay. I see Dave leaving me behind and Feferi becoming my moirail. I see Gamzee supporting me and helping me figure myself out. But ultimately, I see myself as being happy. I can see us role playing and giggling and dweebing out. I see myself finding an amazing matesprit, whether it's a guy or a girl or a human or a troll.


End file.
